July 2021

BAM MOVEMENT Monthly Inspirational Blog

Why the list?

 I have always had a metaphorical list of the things that I thought would be proof positive that I “had arrived”.   While it is important to be clear about our vision and intentional in the steps that we take in order to reach those goals, my fixation on my list wasn’t healthy. 

Instead of using my list as a roadmap, I allowed it to become a roadblock.   I became so focused on what I wanted and when I wanted it, that I ignored the many boxes that God had checked off on my list. I minimized God’s blessings in my life and magnified would I erroneously perceived as failure. After all, I had it all planned out.  I knew the type of home that I wanted, the ideal career, the qualities that my “perfect” husband would possess, the kind of car that I wanted to drive, and the list went on and on. 

When time passed and certain boxes weren’t checked, I allowed disappointment to speak louder than gratitude. I would like to have believed that my list was divinely inspired.   But, if I were, to be honest with myself, it wasn’t.  My list was all about me and what I wanted.  I didn’t truly leave room for God’s plan and his divine timing.

Sure, I quoted Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

However, my words didn’t match my actions.   I didn’t truly allow God’s plans to replace mine.  As, I strive to go deeper in my faith, my list has changed drastically.

I now realize that I need to do a Quality Check on the items that I put on my list. 

In deciding if something should even be on my list, I realize that I needed to ask the following questions:

• Is this about me or about glorifying God?
• Have I followed His instructions in order to check the box, or am I leaning to my own understanding?
• Am I trusting his perfect timing or am I allowing the delay to provoke me?

While I admit, in my immaturity, there were things on my list that were trivial; but there have also been unchecked boxes that have broken my heart.   These boxes were not materialistic.   They cut deep, and I am still trusting God to heal my heart. I would never have imagined that I would lose my father to pancreatic cancer weeks after burying my grandfather. 

I would never have imagined the prognosis that my husband and I received during a doctor’s visit. I would have never imagined making sacrifices to show up for others who I called friends, only for them to be nowhere to be found when I needed them most. 

Though the pain is real, God’s love and wisdom is greater.  Romans 8:28 perfectly surmises the dilemma of the unchecked box. 

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

I pray the God give you peace and hope as you reflect upon your unchecked box. 

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