DATING WITH DISCERNMENT

By: Jasmine Stribling “Her Story”

He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me! I saw this game being played on a movie I watched as a young girl. The girl in the movie had a flower and as she recited, “He loves me, he loves me not”, she picked a petal off the flower to determine if the boy was interested in her.

In reality, dating can seem like this and I found myself in this situation a few times. You see I wasn’t taught exactly what to look for and I stumbled many times in an effort to find the right one. One of those stumbles ended up being the biggest heartbreak of my life and yet it led me thereafter on a journey to date with discernment.
As the saying goes, “Everything that shines isn’t gold”.

How To Date With Discernment?

1. Be Watchful.
Mark 13:5 says, “Keep watch so no one deceives you”.
What to watch for?

>> Character
>> Humbleness and sincerity. Willingness to admit when wrong and apologize sincerely.
>> Follow through. Do they do what they say they are going to do?
>> Speech. Out of the heart, the mouth speaks. Listen to exactly what they are saying. If someone is negative, unmotivated, making excuses, bitter or vice versa grateful, uplifting, motivated it will be revealed in someone’s speech.
>> What do they spend their time looking at? Are they on social media liking inappropriate images or videos, content , etc.
>> Teachable spirit. Reality is no one is perfect and we are all learning and growing everyday. But a person who is willing to listen to your concerns, suggestions and then model a desired behavior.
>> Shared values. Studies show that people with similar values last longer than most couples, even those with the same religious beliefs. *Do not be fooled about he loves the lord, knows scripture or he goes to church as this does not show true maturity with God*

2. Be Prayerful.

James 1:5-6 states, “if you need wisdom, ask out generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking”.

>> Seeking the Lord will save you for tremendous heartaches, if you listen to him. God will highlight someone’s character to you. The Holy Spirit will give you cautious signals and that “something just doesn’t feel right sensation”. When you sense it, do not reject because its usually spot on.

Proverbs 17:3, “Fire tests the purity of the heart.”

Also, ask God to give you the heart and strength to walk away or say No when it’s not the one. After speaking with many women, this is one of the biggest road blocks in our prayers. We will pray, pray, pray for signs but then lack the strength to walk away from anything that is not of God. It might look good on paper, say all the right things, have the right money but PRAYER will reveal the truth. The spirit of the Lord will reveal the true heart and motives of someone. Additionally, seek wise counsel and prayer from a mature believer.

3. Be prepared.

Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you”.

>> Not only is being prayerful about the motive and intent of someone else but understanding the motives and intent in your OWN heart. Getting married is an honor to God and a scared commitment. However, even if you marry the right one but are not prepared, it could be harder than necessary or worst ending the covenant altogether.

>> Examining the fruit you are displaying in your life and/or past relationships. The same criteria while being watchful about someone, you should also consider for yourself. Do you follow through, what are you watching, do you have self control, what are you speaking, etc.?

>> God desires for us to have fruitful relationships both relational and platonic. We are to work unto the Lord in every area of our life. Let our entire life worship God, homes, jobs, relationships, and so forth.

4. Trust Gods Timing

God will bring about the right person, at the right time. There’s no formula to his timing. Don’t look to the left or right as everyone’s story will be different. However, chose everyday to honor the Lord through your obedience to him. Even the lonely days or season(s) will produce an abundance of the fruits of the spirit in your life.