BAM Movement Quarterly

Inspirational Blog

Something Knew

By: Tamara Williams “Build HER Up 23”

At the start of a new year, many people make resolutions. Some ensure that the laundry is done, all dishes are clean, and each room is spotless before the stroke of midnight on December 31st of the outgoing year. At the start of a new school year, new notebooks replace the old, backpacks are upgraded, and fresh, crisp sneakers make their debut down freshly polished  floors. The smell of fresh paint perfumes the air and teachers laminate and hang new posters. Most people can instantly recall the “new car” smell.  

Why do we focus so much energy on the new?? Some psychologists believe that our brains associate new things with the potential for rewarding us in some way. So, in many instances we get this euphoria when we encounter new things. Revelation 21: 5 speaks to this newness:

 And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

But sometimes, despite the calendar change, we feel stuck in the old because our external circumstances don’t match our declarations. To be perfectly honest, I faked, I mean FAITH, my way into 2023. My new, purple 2023 planner had arrived a couple of weeks before New Year’s. I had already started planning some vacations for 2023. We had an amazing New Year’s Eve service at church. But to be perfectly honest, deep down, though I was grateful for life, health and strength, I wasn’t that enthusiastic about entering 2023.  I entered the last few years with optimism and hope, and my reality was so different than what I declared. I took one of the biggest leaps of faith in August 2022; I walked away from a 6-figure job without another one in sight.  Though the salary fattened my bank accounts, the unrealistic expectations, and constant stress starved my soul.   There were days I would sob as I listened to my gospel music (I was working remotely), praying that God work it out. One day, while I was working and praying for answers, I heard God say “Step out on faith.  You are released.”.  

As I began praying in the spirit, I knew that it was God’s voice and not mine. So, I gave my two weeks’ notice with no backup plan. Now what? I had never walked away from a job without having another one already lined up. I started applying to other jobs and really focusing time on my coaching business, which is my real passion. Two months prior to giving notice to my employer, I invested in a business coach who guaranteed that I would make my investment back after working with her, and if I didn’t, she would continue working with me, for free, until I did. It was a large investment, for me at least, so we agreed that I could pay her in installments. When I first enrolled into coaching program, I was so excited. I thought that this was the answer that I had needed for my business. I thought I had finally found the ticket to lead me to full-time entrepreneurship. Sadly, that hasn’t been the case, yet.      It was so supposed to be a 90-day program, it’s been 6 months and I am nowhere close to making my investment back. 

And if that wasn’t discouraging enough, the reward of my daily job applying, in an alleged job seekers market, has resulted in a flood of rejection emails. That’s if they even bother to respond at all. Even a document review project that I was cleared to work on, got cancelled.I had login credentials and all, but the review company’s client cancelled the project at the last minute.I was making some progress in the application process for a Legal Editor job, that would be perfect for me.   I spent several hours working on case studies, only to receive an email on the day I was going to submit everything, that they were no longer hiring for that position. 

The questions did figure-eights in my mind. 

 What is this?? I stepped out on faith, Lord. I did what you said to do.  Why isn’t ANYTHING working out? Did I mis-hear You? 

Here’s the thing, I initially had such a surge of confidence when I heard God say Walk away, because I knew what he said.  But  as time passed and  things were not going the way I thought they should in the timeframe that I thought they should, I lost that confidence.  When you know that you know, you rise up with such a confidence.  Earlier last year, my husband and I were playing Carnival Trivia on our last cruise.  One of the questions they asked is, “Who is Carnival’s brand ambassador?” I instantly knew the answer because I had joined several Carnival Facebook groups and followed their ambassador on social media.  I wrote “John Heald” on my paper.  My husband wrote “Shaq” on his paper.  I showed him my answer, and he asked if, I was sure. I told him that, I was positive.  I knew that I knew the correct answer.  And guess what.., it turns out that I was right.  So how could I be so confident in something as inconsequential as a trivia game but lose confidence in what I knew God said to me.   

In times that our circumstances don’t feel new, we have to focus on what we know: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:23. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11 “Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10. “Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.” Psalm 139:4. “Because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:3

Just recently, I was sitting down ,in the quiet, talking to God.   I asked  him what the next step was, and minutes later I got a text from someone inviting me to an event with other wellness professionals.  I had no clue that this organization even existed. Later the same day, I got a call back for an interview for a position that I applied to before Christmas.  A few hours later, I got a call for to set up an interview for an job that I applied for that same day. A little while later that same day, I received an email letting me know that Legal Editor position had re-opened, and asking whether I still want to be considered for the position..Then later that same evening, I got an email with my onboarding schedule for a freelance position giving legal advice.  While I don’t know how any of these latest developments will turn out, I pray that God gives each of us the grace and peace to rest in what we knew he said, so we have the capacity to fully receive something new. 

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