BAM MOVEMENT Monthly Inspirational Blog
1 Corinthians 13:13-Until then, there are three things that remain: faith, hope, and love-yet love surpasses them all. So above all else, let love be the beautiful prize for which you run. TPT (The Passion Translation
A Journey Back To Love
By Antoya Jones: “Her Story”
My search for love began very early in life; my earliest relations with love, acceptance, affirmation, and validation started in the environment I was raised in. My surroundings did not produce the much-needed attributes required to start my development off on the right foot. Thus, I started an inevitable search for all of these and most importantly love, in all the wrong places, no doubt. This search landed me in some of the most traumatic situations and experiences, all while, trying to find the things that should’ve been given by those who God chose to bring me here.
I’ve come to the realization, after walking out of this journey called life for several years now, that self-love is one of the most important parts of recovery and complete healing. The lack of self-love will find you in a state of mind and posture that allows rejection to grow and continue to take shape in your life, as the norm, abandonment, or feelings of abandonment will increase, and traumatic experiences will seemingly find you one after another, almost like a magnetic for horrible encounters is attached to you. Have you ever felt like there was a target on you that says, “Hey people, come and hurt me, reject me, use me, and abuse me?” It is the victim aroma, or rejected scent that attracts the most unwanted company. After several experiences such as these within friendships, relationships be it platonic or romantic, partnerships, or within leadership opportunities, I found myself overcompensating to please others and ultimately becoming a “people pleaser”, which is an emotional death sentence.
Life after childhood trauma, a challenging marriage, and divorce, after looking for love in all the wrong places, and seeking validation by what I can do for people got very, very old and nearly broke me indefinitely. However, my faith in God, the most amazing thing my mother shared with me and helped develop in me, is what set me on the path to recovery and healing. My constant communication with him and finding out what his word says about me brought me into an awareness of who I really am and whom I belong to. I also became aware that my worth and value comes from him. Although it comes from him it is up to me to maintain my worth and value based on what I allow in and out of my life, heart, and space.
True healing comes from God. He taught me and continues to teach me about my authentic self and who He created me to be. I was nearly destroyed before I could really be introduced to me or discover what I like or dislike. My voice was taken away through violations before I knew to say, “No, that’s not ok, or this shouldn’t be happening. Before I knew my rights as a young girl, lady, or woman it had all been distorted for me….BUT GOD! He taught me that I am enough and I am the TOTAL package, I have what it takes in any situation or arena.
Journeying with self-love has increased my desire to live free from self-hate, self-sabotage, rejection, abuse, and trauma. I have to consistently, to this day, denounce and watch for the things the enemy will try to use to pull me back to dark places I once lived in, I have been set free and choose to remain on this path of self-love for life; it is truly necessary to sincerely love someone else. Love is a commitment, whether it’s being committed to loving yourself or another. It’s not for the faint at heart; it requires strength and patience.
- Are you in a good relationship with you?
- Do you like yourself?
- Are you in a love/hate relationship with you?
Depending on how you answered those questions will determine how you relate to and interact with others; it doesn’t matter what type of connection or relationship it is. In order to be victorious in this area, you have to be willing to admit where you’re broken and how you got there. Acknowledge your past and how it’s operating in your now and hindering your future. Let those responsible for your pain off the hook by truly forgiving them and after that forgive yourself for your role in the pain you are or have experienced. Even if it’s based on the actions of those who dropped or betrayed you, just let it all go.
Prepare yourself for LOVE:
- Be in a true love relationship with yourself
- Discover the best parts of you and what you uniquely bring to any table in front of you
- Protect your heart, value, and space
- Have faith in God and exercise faith in all your relationships (People are human, see beyond where they are right now)
- Don’t change you for anyone (You may need to mature in areas or readjust or break old habits, don’t get me wrong, but changing to make someone else happy with you or accept you will only weaken and ultimately destroy you. The right person will see you and value you for you!)
We were created for connection; the right connection is out there for you. Lose yourself on your self-love journey and be committed to yourself before committing to someone else. Do the work; you owe it to yourself to reach your full potential. All that is for you will show up out of nowhere when you least expect it and most of the time in ways you would normally not expect. The road to recovery and healing takes full reliance on God. Take all the time in the world loving yourself and trust me your heart will find a home.
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